The End!

It’s a sleepy day here at the ranch. After a mammoth thunderstorm that took place in the middle of the night, forcing me awake with the bright flashes of white light along with sounds of the sky cracking in half, the fog has rolled in, reducing my visibility to zero. Though this kind of weather can be somewhat disheartening if they last for a few days in a row, due to the true feeling of pure isolation that they cause, today I am grateful as the last week has been too warm for my liking. For basically the whole month of July, it rained. I think it was around 187mm in total that I received here at my site, and other areas of Alberta received even more.

This has not been an average fire season whatsoever. My supervisor told me about a week ago that by now they would have usually had about 200-250 wildfires pop up in this district. At that time, the number was actually at around 38. Quite a difference. However, I expect that many of the fire detection workers in Alberta are rather grateful for this as last year there was a massive conflagration that spread hundreds of kilometres, lasted the entire summer and into the winter, and forced evacuations of some towns and cities, including High Level, the town closest to me. Thus, it is probably nice for those who were involved to have a slightly relaxing season, no matter how boring it may have been at times. 

Some cookies to sooth the soul

As July brought itself to a close, the weather dramatically changed. This came just around the time that I received my last helicopter delivery of the season (July 29th). When this arrived I got rather excited, as this meant that my season was soon to come to a close. Not that I haven’t enjoyed myself here, there have been a slew of positive experiences and benefits that have arisen from this profound solitude, but I am getting to the point where I am ready to plunge back into the world outside and enjoy time with my loved ones. Before coming here, I needed some time alone. I have discovered in the last year or so that I am a strongly introverted person, meaning that I recharge my batteries by having time alone. It had been a long time since I truly had time alone, which is what drew me to this job in the first place. Now I feel as if these batteries have been charged up to the max, in a sense. I still feel pretty tired at the moment, but I think it’s more a mental exhaustion due to the intensity of being isolated for this long. As many people have experienced this year due to COVID-19, it can be quite difficult. There are many magazines these days that tout meditation and isolation as this ever-peaceful, smiling experience, and while that is definitely the result of these practices, it is not just fun and games throughout. 

So, for me, as the weather changed, the sun shone brightly, and more time was spent up in the tower, I started to get quite antsy and stressed. I had thought that the last three weeks of my time here would be a breeze, not expecting the sudden weather change, meaning more responsibility to keep a watchful eye for potential fires around. It took me a few days to get used to, the worst part of it being when the weather peeled its way up to 30 degrees Celsius, baking both the tower and my cabin in a sickly, thick heat that I had no way of escaping. However, I survived and managed to find peace within this. My friend Thomas goes to a pretty beach in Vancouver every morning, which he calls “my beach.” When I spoke to him last, he told me to find “my beach” within myself for my last few weeks here. I have been working on this and feel that I am getting closer to something that is keeping me happy most of the time and inspiring a much-needed patience to grow stronger within me.

In reaction to the suppurating heat, I slowed my rate of production down in terms of all the self-imposed work I was doing and instead chose more relaxing activities. This is a trend that I will continue until August 19, my last day here. I have managed to finish writing the novel that I started three months ago (still needs many edits, but that can wait until after) and I made it through half of the fungal ecology course, which means that I will bring both of these work streams to a close for now and focus on resting in this quiet place while I am here. It is hard for me to remember exactly what the world outside is like, but I imagine it won’t be as quiet as the boreal forest I have been living in. These restorative activities shall include continuing to listen to two audiobooks: The Age of Surveillance Capitalism as well as Foundation & Empire, finishing up A Series of Unfortunate Events (the show on Netflix - I highly recommend), and reading an early draft of my friend Pedro’s second (!) novel. It seems pretty incredible so far. 

As I mentioned, I finish up here on the 19th of August, after which I will be going on a 4-day backpacking trip in Jasper with a new friend of mine. Next, I will be flying back to Vancouver from Calgary and soon after heading to Victoria to spend some time with brother Fergus before he starts his joinery course there. I have made an effort not to plan my life after the tower, as it is too overwhelming at the moment, and I just want to be present and focused while I am here.

    I was originally planning to write one more blog to wrap up my experience here, but I was quite lazy with posting this one (I wrote it over a week ago) so it seems like it will be my last. It is now Friday the 14th and I will be out of here next Wednesday. For the last 5 days I have been smothered with thick fog and over 60mm of rain, which seems like a fitting end to an extremely rainy summer. Many years ago, the Buddha and his disciples would go on a 3-month meditation retreat during the monsoon seasons in India that they called the Rains Retreat. I feel like this has been a similar experience for me, despite the fact that rather than meditating all day every day, I have just done my regular two hours daily. Being in such an isolated space for so long has really allowed me to delve deeper into my mind and learn more about myself. There have been countless struggles, joys, and mundane moments that have all combined into this incredible experience that I know I will remember for the rest of my life. I feel that solitude and isolation is important for everyone to experience in their lives at some point, though it doesn't have to be as extreme as what I placed myself into :) with all of these tech companies working on manipulative methods to figure out how to tap into our minds so we can we consume more, buy more, and obey more, it's vital that we get to know ourselves quicker than they can know us!

"Eventually you hope to reach a stage in life when you know yourself even better than your mother. And then suddenly, you have this corporation or government running after you, and they are way past your mother, and they are at your back. They're about to get to you—this is the critical moment. They know you better than you know yourself. So run away, run a little faster. And there are many ways you can run faster, meaning getting to know yourself a bit better. So meditation is one way. And there are hundreds of techniques of meditation, different ways work with different people. You can go to therapy, you can use art, you can use sports, whatever. Whatever works for you." - Yuval Harari